I can't believe it is here again!! Here is a link to track me on Saturday:
http://ironman.com/events/ironman/florida/?show=tracker&y=2009
the actual tracking of 2009 won't be available until raceday. My race number/bib number is #2405!!!
Im so nervous and excited. Thoughts and fears from last years failed attempt keep coming up and I keep trying to convince myself that Im ready!! I trained hard and trained long and did everything I could to get ready...now its just going to come down to a little luck, hope, and determination.
Just so you know whether I am having a really good day or a horrible day these are my estimated times:
SWIM:
GOOD = 1:15 AND BELOW
JUST FINISH: 1:20+
BIKE:
GOOD = 6:30 AND UNDER
JUST FINISH 7:00+
RUN:
GOOD= 6:00 AND UNDER
JUST FINISH = 6:00 + ALL THE WAY TO TOTAL ALLOTED TIME OF 17 HOURS OR MIDNIGHT CUT OFF.
Please let me be brave in the attempt.
"Each day I live
I want to be
A day to give
The best of me
I'm only one
But not alone
My finest day
Is yet unknown
I broke my heart
Fought every gain
To taste the sweet
I face the pain
I rise and fall
Yet through it all
This much remains
I want one moment in time
When I'm more than I thought I could be
When all of my dreams are a heartbeat away
And the answers are all up to me
Give me one moment in time
When I'm racing with destiny
Then in that one moment of time
I will feel
I will feel eternity"
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
IRONMAN FLORIDA TRACKING@!!!!
Posted by Kate Conklin at 12:27 PM 0 comments
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Haleakala Volcano "House of the Sun"
"You have not tasted success until you have succeeded at something you truly thought not possible."
Stretching across east Maui, Haleakala National Park is home to Haleakala Crater, an active, but not currently erupting volcano, and Maui's highest peak. Rising over 10,000 feet above sea level, Haleakala's graceful slopes can be seen from just about any point on the island. Haleakala means "House of the sun" in Hawaiian, and legend has it that the demigod Maui lassoed the sun itself from its summit to slow the sun's journey across the skies. There are plenty of bike tours DOWN THE VOLCANO, but didnt see one for going up!.> why not? :)
What can I say? I can't believe I actually did it!!??? If I woke up tomorrow with my head on backwards... I wouldn't be more surprised than I am now. It's not because I'm a negative person, quite opposite... It is because of past experience of climbing hills. Just ask Dan, I can barely ride up small hills without extreme pain, whining and shortness of breathe... so the real question is, if I am horrible on hills, WHY DID I EVEN ATTEMPT TO BIKE UP a 10,000 foot volcano????????????
thats me at the start..... and i was very nervous and hoped that my little grasshopper legs would be good today. don'task me why I wanted to do it in the first place. I get these wild ideas and don't know how to turn them off!! haha... anyhoo, I woke up with extreme jitters.... i look over the map and I count all the switchbacks. I think that if I could make it to the Park Headquarters at 7000 feet that would be awesome!! The summit is 10,000 feet and the likelihood of me making it was slim to none. Dan said if I biked to the top a pig would fly. I shared that belief!!!! The only "mountain" ive climbed on my bike is Bear Mountain and thats only 6 miles up and 1,284 ft tall.... haha. I just looked up that elevation and I remember that I used to think that was hard to climb... doesnt that say enough of my climbing abilities??
I start climbing on my bike and the weather was cool, and cloudy, seemed perfect that I woudn't have to battle heat. The first 10 minutes were hard!! Normally it takes me 30 minutes to get warm and I never start on a hill!! It felt like my heart was going to jump out of my chest. So I stopped for 1 minute to let it go back down. Decided that was my new plan.... every few switchbacks, I would take a breather. I told Dan and his dad who were in the van that I wanted to do at least 1 hour if not 2 so I couldn't stop less than that. After 40 minutes I start
I kept going up all the switchbacks that seem to go on forever, hoping that i would get a little downhill or flat to get some relief, but there were all UPS. Dan says to me all the time, "it is all downhill..................... except for the uphills".. yeah...right. :)
I passed the sign for 6500 feet!! I was so close to the entrance...i can make it!! so i keep going and going and going.... The scenery was changing again and the pine trees and luckily i had my ipod because i would have sung christmas songs...blech!
So I see the sign and Dan is there with his camera.. I made it to 7,000!! Higher than I have been on my bike... but it doesnt seem enough? why? oh why? Im tired!!!! Then 1 dude wa
The only problem is IT WAS GETTING REALLY HARD. Was climbing more elevation in smaller amount of switchbacks... It seemed like it was getting really steep and my legs were getting jelloie. I wondered if i could make it any further? Then I slowly creep up on 8000 feet!! w
then I reach 9000...woohoo!! Im starting to really feel lighthead, uncoordinated, and find it hard to breathe. I hallucinated to and thought i s
Then i passed the lookout at 9300 and kept going to 9700 feet where the visitor center #2 is...why its not at the summit I dont know. That means I only have 300 huge feet to the summit! could i make it? i feel like i could collapse and die from emphasema. I just cant breathe and it makes me really happy i never smoked.
the last 300 hundred feet was the hardest! I couldn't breathe and my legs just didnt want to move. My body was screaming STOP and my mind was saying never!
Puff puff, wheeze wheeze,and i huff and Ipuff and i couldnt blow any house down. Where is that flying pig??????????? BECAUSE I JUST SUMMITTED!!! I JUST BIKED UP 10,000 FEET!!!!!////?????????????? Holy cow!! yay!!!!!!!!!! The sign that says to walk slowly at this elevation cracks me up!!!!! surp
I could just roll around on the crater laughing if i had the energy. Im shaking, and shaking and can barely stand up... ha ha ha. That is the coolest thing i have done on my bike.... possibly the coolest thing i have ever done... that and run the marathon with EM. It took me 4 hours to bike to the top. 4 hours of pure torturous climbing. Thought it would never end.... but the most surprising part... was that I enjoyed it!! ???especially the finishing bit...haha. Today, during Kate versus big hill....... KATE WON. Haleakala volcano, the house of the sun, will always have a special place in my heart. Kind of fitting that its the 'house of the sun'.
Maybe, just maybe, the Ironman will be possible now? That sometimes, when the odds are completely against you, and no one, not even yourself, fully believe that its possible, and then a miracle happens. When all your hard work and hopes and determination seem to come together. Maybe? all my training and pain, and horrible bike rides and painful
Posted by Kate Conklin at 5:01 PM 0 comments
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Hawaii fun
"Our truest life is when we are in dreams awake"
It was always a dream of mine to go to Hawaii. And now it came true! It really it a magical place and every island was differen and special in its own way.
We started off with our nice extremely long flight to Oahu and with the 6 hour time change... my feet were killing me! I was not a happy camper because of the pain. As we drove through Honolulu I was not impressed...not what I imagined Hawaii to be?? Then we arrived at Waikiki Beach and there were so many fancy stores that I thought we were in NY still wit
h palm trees and a beach. It is just as crowded with tourists as NYC. ? The next day we spent on the beach, and I enjoyed open water swimming and drinking fufu drinks with pineapple and cherries. On Sunday I went running to Diamondhead mountain/crater, and it was so beautiful! I loved the fact that it was right by the shore and there were lots of people out running. I decided if I were to live on this island, this is where I would be.
After a few days, we were on our way to Kauai. This island is what I imagined Hawaii to be. It was lush and beautiful and not commercialized as Oahu. We stayed at the Sheraton and the beach was beautiful. The first time I went swimming, the swells were huge, and I got caught in this riptide that was pulling me out to sea or into the rocks. I will admit, I was scared, but just did I what Iwas supposed to and not try to fight the current, and somehow managed back in. The next day I went swimming and it was more gentle and I saw Tommie the turtle. I swam with him for a bit and decided I could get used to it. I rented the first bike and it was a Raleigh road bike, nothing special and named it smurf. I woke up early and bike 20 miles to the start of the Waimea Canyon. The Canyon was 10 miles up and close to 4000 feet, and then continued on another 8 miles to the very top. Biking in Kauai was i
nteresting and not exactly the safest thing. I was surprised at how many wild roosters there were? thought they were going to poke out my eyeballs. I make it to the bottom of the canyon and I was already hot... this was not going to be fun climbing this thing! Luckily Dan and his dad had the van and could pick me up if needed. Once you get to the canyon, its beautiful. It is the grand canyon of Hawaii. They had t
his coconut stand and had dried sweet coconut and coconut taffy candy. Dan's dad said they looked like maggots and slugs, but they tasted really good!
The next day we had a crazy adventure. First, Dan's dad and I went up in the sky in a microflight plane. A cross between hang gliding and engine flying. Dan's dad was petrified because of the extreme wind, but I thought it was great fun!
After flying, we all went on this water rafting trip that we had to hold on or be tossed out of the boat! It was crazy. It would have been more fun if I hadnt just had appendix surgery and it was starting to ache. We did see some wild dolphins!! they were so cute!!!
I wish I had a pool like this i could swim in every day!!!
we drove up the active volcano park and saw the black sand beach which was weird. The strangest bit was the closer i got to the volcano, the hotter my feet burned!!!?? It was very sharp and must have a connection with the goddess Pele and the burning lava. Guess i have my own inner volcano.
It was awesome to see the lava and wished we could have seen the actual lava, but it was a long walk and it was pouring and my feet were killing me!!!
Posted by Kate Conklin at 8:05 PM 0 comments
Monday, September 7, 2009
Easy breezy, lemon squeezy
"You can't really be strong until you see a funny side to things."
Posted by Kate Conklin at 6:59 PM 0 comments
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Might as well be playing Tiddly-Winks
"Don't be stupid, you can't do that."
"Yes I can, anything is possible."
"We told you that you couldn't do it."
"At least I tried, you bastards."
Had a surprising last 2 days of training. ? Yesterday, I rode for 4 hours 45 minutes, with a 45 minute brick immediately following. The bike started out painful, just plotted along and an hour into the ride, I GOT A FLAT!!! are you kidding me? thats about right. Figures, I am by myself trying to ride long. Ok Princess, lets fix this b*tch. So i pull out the whatchamacallits and the widgets and gadget thingymabobbys and try. I got the wheel off ok, and i couldnt get the tire off!!!! I try and I try, and its not that Im a wimp, I just don't have the manual dexterity in my hands. When you have had extreme pain in your hands for many years, your hands dont work quite right. I can't open jars, and I cant seem to take the tire off the rim!! several cyclists ask the polite, are you ok as they zip on by. I am determined to do this myself !!!! arg !! Just another thing to remind me I have EM> But i need to do this if it happens in my race again. Last time it took me over 20 minutes to fix it. So finally, ridiculously finally, I got it off! I put the new tube in and put the tire back on , and used my CO2 cartridge because I forgot my pump.. haha I put the wheel back on the bike, got on my bike, went about 10 feet and almost crashed into a truck because my wheel locked up. Got off the bike, and my brake was snagged in my tire and the tire looked like it was going to burst with the bulging tube. Ah f)Q*&$0!@#@!%@#Y^$^ ... so, I have to do it ALL OVER AGAIN. .. still with no pump. Luckily my guardian angel for the day, stops and helps me align the stubborn tube and he has a pump!! He finishes it for me and heads back on his way.. what a great guy! he actually gave me an extra CO2 cartridge and some advice to carry a pump...! hope he has some great karma coming his way. Im still slightly embarrassed with my flat changing ability... and get back on my merry way and go into a small town to their bike shop and get a new tube and stuff cause with my luck, ill get another flat. The funny thing is, I feel great now.. new confidence and new excitement for my ride... then as i was riding along, a manure truck drove by, and a pile of sh*t flew off the truck and hit me smack in the face... @*&@%#*&@*&@$ it was so gross I had to throw up a little. Made me feel I was back in Nebraska. Kept going and laughing.. what a bike this has turned out to be! and the GWB south was closed, so to get back to Manhattan, you have to carry your bike up and down a gazillion stairs... with jello legs and cleats!!!!!!!! Finished my 4:45 somehow..completely exhausted and wondering how im going to run. So I put on my sandals, grabbed a bite of chocolate, and some salty baked lays.... yum and went running. Trotted along and I actually had a great run???? huh//? kept expecting a pig to fly by.... does a guy walking his pot belly pig count?/ Stopped myself at 45 minutes which was 15 minutes longer than my plan... and i remembered i was supposed to run 2:20 the next day. Got back and stuffed my face... was soooooooooooooooooooooooo hungry.
Today I ran my 2:20. It was long and slow and felt tired from the day before. Think it must be manure week because on the path were 10 cops on horses poooooing all over the bike/run path!! so once again had to smell it. Made me slightly irritated. If the cops make people curb and clean up after their dogs, they should have to curb/clean after their horse!!!!!! The last hour was better than the first though, but I was glad to stroll home. Impressed with myself, and totally exhausted, laid down for a nice lng nap. One week closer to my Ironman, and another week where Kate battled EM.....and this week: KATE WON ! :)
"To be a cyclist is to be a student of pain....at cycling's core lies pain, hard and bitter as the pit inside a juicy peach. It doesn't matter if you're sprinting for an Olympic medal, a town sign, a trailhead, or the rest stop with the homemade brownies. If you never confront pain, you're missing the essence of the sport. Without pain, there's no adversity. Without adversity, no challenge. Without challenge, no improvement. No improvement, no sense of accomplishment and no deep-down joy. Might as well be playing Tiddly-Winks."
Posted by Kate Conklin at 5:26 PM 0 comments
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
If all else fails... stop using all else!
"There is no telling how many miles you will have to run while chasing a dream"
Well it has been 2 weeks since my surgery, and I'm finally able to do things. I still have pain, but it is an uncomfortable pain versus stabbing shooting pain, and I'm used to being uncomfortable because of EM. What I've learned since the surgery, is that I love my ab muscles... and I miss using them. You dont realize how much you use them until you cant....and i use mine all the time!
I went riding for 50 miles on Sunday, and I did pretty well considering... the hills felt like i was going to die, and the last 20 -30 minutes, I was spent and it was so hot out, my insides felt like they were cooking! and my back seized up because I cant use my abs so my back aches all the time. I finally know what my clients feel like when they come in with no abs and back pain..... DO ABS!!!! seriously.. ... seriously
I went running for 25 minutes yesterday with my stomach "brace" or "keep stuff in wrap" and today i ran/walked 45 minutes. I was quite surprised that my cardiovascular system was awesome and wanted to run for 2hours, but I forced myself to stop. I guess water running last week helped! Sometimes, I really am in awe of myself and my body. Somehow, I am like a chamileon, adapting to bad/painful situations and making them work for me?? Sometimes i still dont know how i even get up in the morning with EM, let alone run, bike and swim. If I think about it, 2 weeks ago, I almost died!!! 4-5hours away from death, with major surgery, and I am ready to train... frustrated that I cant go as fast, or as hard. My doctor put me in my place though... :) be lucky i am still here....haha .. awesome!
So here i stil am, doing the best I can everyday... slowly building back up. Some days, I get tired of having to start over... just when i seem to be doing good, something happens.. SOMETHING ALWAYS HAPPENS and knocks me down... and yet... another thing always happens; i get back up. But that is life I guess. And by some miracle, if I can finish the Ironman...it will be worth it!!!!
"If one dream should fall and break into a thousand pieces, never be afraid to pick one of those pieces up and begin again."
Posted by Kate Conklin at 8:52 PM 0 comments
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Stands with a Fist
"I get knocked down...but i get up again... you're never going to keep me down"
I just got home from the hospital... I'm still in a lot of pain, I can't do anything myself. I need help standing, sitting, going to the bathroom, and showering. It all started Sunday night... Sunday was a horrible day. It rained hard all day long and I was really pissed that I couldnt go for my 90 mile bike ride... Hindsight, I was damn lucky to not have ridden with a ruptured appednix....In the afternoon, i started to feel what I thought was strong stomach cramps...maybe from food poisoning or stomach flu or something. It was very uncomfy, and I figured I would wake up in the middle of the night on the toilet. Sunday night though, i couldn't sleep very well... it was getting very uncomfortable... i couldn't find a happy place. It was a very long night. i kept pushing on my stomach, still thinking the food poisoning theory, in hopes to push out the gas/poo bacteria. normally that helps, but this was different. Monday morning, I tried to eat breakfast and drink some water, and in a few minutes, I threw up. I couldn't even keep down water! I knew this wasnt a good sign, but i didn't think anything different. As the day went on, the pain in my right abdomen was started to get really really strong. Soon, I couldn't stop crying from the pain. Dan came home around 4 to take me to the doctor. Hindsight, should have just went to the ER. Guess that is the problem with something new, you seem to always relate it to something you have had before. We get to the doctor, and im crying in pain, and the nurse took 1 look at me and put me in a cab to go straight to the ER.
We get to the er and after what seem to be forever, 30 min or so, they sent me straight to the back. Next thing I knew im in an exam room and they are ruling all the easy stuff out. They gave me a girlie exam, which was not fun because of the extreme pain in my abdomen, but everything there was fine. So they move me to another room and hook me up to IV and make me drink this nasty contrast drink to get ready for a cat scan. Another 2 hours pass of pure agony!!! The morphine I got didnt seem to do much, just pass through my system and at this time, Im in pure agony. It is funny, because most pain i dont feel because it is not stronger than EM pain, but this was sharp excruciating pain in one area and I'm beginning to think there is something really really wrong.
finally... FINALLY, they give me a cat scan, and you can always tell when you have something bad when they put things into motion fast...by the time i got back to the room, they had already put an order in for no food/drink etc....which is fine because i couldnt drink anyways.... then the surgeon comes down to tell me that I have an appendicitus and they are going to operate tonight. Great! so we wait and wait and wait and wait...and finally get moved upstairs where they start to prep me. Turns out that its not the simple snatch and grab appendix removal, it has perforated/ruptured and was leaking nasty toxins and bacteria into my abdominal region. I knew that was bad because that can make you septic and kill you. I was still in a ton of pain and finally instead of morphine that wasnt working they gave me dilaudid...which is stronger and AWESOME. Im not a normal fan of pain meds... I havent taken them since I first got diagnosed with EM. I didnt like the way they make me feel, but this stuff was awesome. FINALLY i felt a little relief and the best bit was the goofy happy feeling. Makes me wish I had this stuff when i was first diagnosed, because I was out of it completely. This stuff is dangerous though and highly addictive, and is similar to herion... when they first injected it in, I thought i was going to die because it made it very hard to breathe... but after that, an uncaring feeling set in... giggle. The surgeon told me that if I had waited another 4 - 5 hours, I could have been dead.
Finally at 330 am or so, the knock me out... I will admit I was actually scared. I didnt get scared until they told me it was perforated and started asking me if i had a will etc etc... I woke up screaming and crying hysterically... i woke up too early...and they were still trying to pull out the tube out of my mouth and the pain killers didnt start to work yet. The nurse was yelling to me to hold on, it will be better soon... but i was scared! i remember talking to the nurse while she kept giving me the happy shot. the surgeon said that it was worse than expected and the appendix was green and black and seeping nasty bacteria and toxins all over my body and they had to pull out the intestines and stuff to drain the nasty stuff... and the bad stuff had leaked and pooled in my cervix!!!! ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww... find out later I had a 40% chance of not surviving..but for me that is great odds because I have em and that is a 1 /gazillion chance of getting that! The surgeon said that my appendix had been inflamed for at least a week and wondered why I didnt feel it.... and he said I probably only felt it when it perforated and ruptured... guess that is the problem with EM... you dont feel the pain until it matches or exceeds em pain in 1 location. guess I am very lucky to have gone to the ER. So, if you ever feel like this.... GO TO THE ER!!!!!
they sent me to my room and my first roomate was horrible!!!!!!!!!! she kept screaming things as loud as she could like "NURSE NURSE NURSE NURSE NURSE, HELP HELP HELP, COME IN, COME IN, COME IN, WHERE ARE MY SHOES/ WHERE ARE MY SHOES?' i tried to be polite and tell her to push her call button, but she was determined..and she didnt need any help. She was yelling at me telling me i stole her shoes, and every nurse that went by. I couldnt sleep and she never stopped. felt bad for the nurse and for myself. FINALLY, the moved me out of that horrible room to a room in the corner with a view...it was quite nice. then they had another roomie come in who was very naughty....she had a 5 hour back surgery and like me they told her she cant drink or eat until they tell her, but she was begging for it from everyone,.... she didnt care if it made her throw up and pop her stitches... they eventually moved her out by the nurses station to watch her. Guess i was good enough to stay at the end.... peace and quite again... then that night the shit hit the fan again... for some reason I started screaming in pain because of the sharp stabbing in my gut...... i thought something was wrong again... I WAS SO HOT AND felt sure I was going to spontaneous combust. Poor dan! The night nurse didnt like me and kept trying to give me percocet which makes me violently puke and that didnt sound like fun... the surgeon came and explained that they really did a number on my insides to save me so this pain is to be expected and I can have dilaudid as much as I want... THANK GOD... they explained that since I was an athlete, my body just metablizes the morphine so quickly that it doesnt help very much.....so they hooked me up with dilaudid and finally felt relief again. I started to sing MELLOW YELLOW and was talking gibberish to Dan , but at least i seemed happy.... it hurt to laugh though so i kept telling Dan to not make me laugh... i woke up that morning groggy and wanting to go home...they bring me a nasty breakfast but the surgeon came and said i can go home around 2... yay.
i had to use this lung tool and breathe in and out to make sure i don't get pneumonia or something... dan said it was like a video game, i thought it was more like torture.
Dan came and I was booted out of the hospital....yay. Im still in a lot of pain and was a little scared at getting sent home because we dont have a mechanical bed. We went to duane reed pharmacy to get my prescription and finally..... i fart... ;) oh it felt good!!!! i havent been able to do it since monday morning and it was awesome! Sorry if that is too much info, but that is one of the side effects of an appendicitis. So dan was making fun of me and doing a walking fart dance and I was trying hard not to laugh.. FInally I get home and think now what? I cant do anything on my own... it hurts to sit down and dan has to lift me and help me... THIS SUCKS! I want to swim and bike and run and do yoga...i cant even lift my own legs!!! I had a little relapse that night but each day it has slowly gotten better... I am depressed now as i worry about my upcoming ironman. Will i still be able to do it/?//? when can i train? how come it still hurts so much> I am usually good with pain!! they must have really done a number on my gut for it to still hurt. but I am still hopefull, and very thankful that I am still here. I didn't come this far in life to die now by an appendicitis... i dont want my own body killing me!!! I hope that it will get better and I will train soon. I wonder why 6-7% of people have this and why it happened to me? Dont I have enough trouble in life? cant i catch a break? guess not! it could have been worse! and at least i have only 1 appendix... I HOPE! It just goes to show that nothing is ever promised to you...not even if you work hard, live a good life, and try to help others... nothing is ever promised... so if you read this, be thankful... you never know when your body will turn on you... you might get EM or your appendix might burst, but all you can do is try your best no matter what happens. And maybe, I will come back stronger after this..
so here I stand.... with a fist! refusing to give up...
I want to know if you can live with failure.......yours and mine....and still stand at the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, "Yes."...
Posted by Kate Conklin at 10:02 AM 0 comments
Friday, July 24, 2009
"Never Use your Face as a Brake"
On Wednesday, I crashed my bike on a sharp technical downhill and rammed into the barracade and then the concrete. It was really slippery and my brakes locked up and then it was too late. It happened so fast and my face hit the concrete and then rolled over slammed my shoulder and then whipped my head back and hit the back of my head hard on the concrete. I know I hit it hard because I saw white flash and then black. I was still clipped in to my bike and i lay there with gatorade dumping all over me. Probably was out for a couple seconds, but for a moment there I thought...this could be it. There is nothing worse than the realization that you are crashing... I had been having a great ride for 3 hours and was about to make it home to do a brick run. A couple of bikers helped me up and wanted to call for an ambulance. Apparently my face was really scary. I had blood gushing down my face and neck. Not only was i sweaty, but with EM, my wounds dont close if they are dilated and thus, blood down my face. I managed to fix my bike and had to ride it back 20 minutes or so. I had lots of horrified looks, and a kid was crying cause he saw all the blood. My left shoulder was dislocated and managed to pop it back in again... like usual.. and my knee was hit, but my face and head/neck was the worse!!!! I somehow managed to make it back home.
The strangest thing is actually have my pain visible for people to see. They see my face and they cringe, say oh are you alright? or ouch... they actually see my pain????? The next day I woke up in a lot more pain. My neck is still hurting from whiplash, actually had a bad headache which i don't get anymore because normally head ache pain isnt greater than EM pain. My knee hurt, and my cheek throbbed! and you can see it!! i wish people could see EM pain, what would they do? maybe then people would realize how much pain we are in? I guess it would be scary to see people walking around daily on fire... ;) But it gets old being invisible. At one point my eye closed up and i could barely see out of it, my eye was completely bloodshot and i couldnt smile or chew food on the left side of my face... haha.
Today I got back on the horse and rode 75 miles with Dan. There were bits that I was absolutely petrified at which i've never been before. I was extra jumpy and nervous and of course it started RAINING ON ME which is deja vu. I hope I return to normal. I still cant turn my head... did I really mess up my neck? I know I hit the ground hard, but patience isn't my virture. I would have figured it would be better by now, but guess my body doesnt heal... Anyhoo, I finished my ride and am proud that I am biking more and hopefully I will be able to do the Ironman. :)
On a different note, my parents came to NY over the weekend and we did a little sightseeing! We went on a boat tour and on the intrepid ship... and out to eat where they were in shock at the prices for a simple meal and beer. :) But it was fun because I haven't had anybody come out to visit me and sightsee with me. My aunt came out with me before i lived here but we didnt have much time to sightsee because i was interviewing, but it was still fun. So it was a fun weekend and now I'm exhausted! it is hard work sightseeing all day! and then biking ... :) Will hopefully sleep well tonight! ;) Ride on...
"When your bow is broken and your last arrow spent, then shoot, shoot with your whole heart."
Posted by Kate Conklin at 11:02 AM 0 comments
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Beer, it's like Powerade only Better!!!
"Sweat dries, blood clots, bones heal. Suck it up."
Alright, everyone... i'm done whinging.. haha.. I got some much needed sleep, a new Ironman training plan, and some new motivation and determination. Back to being me!!! :) I usually don't blog when I'm depressed, but after last race i decided to blog and show people how i feel. I'm not super girl every day! :P
So, I've got my new perspective. I'm going to ride my bike... and ride some more, and then still ride. I probably wont get any faster up a hill... dont think my EM genetics will let me. But, I can change my mental attitude towards a hill. Yes it hurts, hurts like bloody hell for me!!! But, this is Ironman, its meant to hurt. If it doesnt hurt, you are not doing it right! so, as I said to myself today as I rode my bike .... " SUCK IT UP PRINCESS!" :) The only good part of a hill... is the DOWNHILL... I'm really good on a downhill and i cant figure it out ? I fly by people that just passed me uphill, and on the flats im pretty good... Dan says I should train in the mountains...haha I did pretty good on my bike, I didn't bonk. I need practice getting used to the hill pain. I've also decided to blog more often. Just to show more of my training, not just races. I know i'm going to have hard days, but I should have a good day once and a while. Just do what I always do, take one day at a time. Hills , hills and more hills... Just had a killer meal of steak and hashbrowns at home... it tasted so good!!
Do you ever wonder why they have beer at the end of a race??? or during mile 20 of the marathon? I'm sorry, but on mile 20 of a marathon, I dont want to get sloshed and I dont like running through puddles of beer that smells like piss or men who maybe just pee at this time... but in sandals... ITS GROSS!!! But a beer at the end of the race can be nice...if it is cold! I think after my ironman Im going to get sloshed in celebration! that is if I finish. Probably wont take much since I'm such a lightweight. Will have to catch up to Dan who says while im racing he is just gonna lay out on the beach and drink beer!!!! :) 3 months + to go...
"On the mountains of truth you can never climb in vain: either you will reach a point higher up today, or you will be training your powers so that you will be able to climb higher tomorrow."
Posted by Kate Conklin at 5:47 PM 0 comments
Monday, July 13, 2009
One can never consent to creep when one feels an impulse to soar.
The race started like any other race. Wake up super early in the morning, go to the start, the nerves kick in... doubts... will I be strong today? will I finish? Will I make it? Dan and I arrive at the start and the announcer chirps in that there is a delay because of the strong wind and current have moved all the buoys and they need time to arrange them back in line f
The day before I went paddling in the water, and it was freezing!!!!!!!!!!! now add super wind and super swells and total constriction of my lungs together and what do you get? a drowning EM girl. I don't get it! I used to be such an amazing swimmer. And once I get in the water, I can't get any air in. I felt like I was at the bottom of the ocean scuba diving again without any air. The cold water must have frozen my lungs again because I thought I was going to die. And it wasnt just me. People were getting thrown all over each other because of the waves...the buoys were all messed up and no one knew where to go and it was total chaos. I looked around for a canoe and couldnt find any of them.
"The chief cause of dissapointment and failure is trading what you want the most for what you want at the moment"
I needed help and there was no one to help me. The waves kept smashing me, i still couldnt get any air in. I thought that I was going to die right there. i dont want to die here... i didnt come this far to die here! Damn it... this sucks. I HATE THIS! why cant i just breathe? I was getting very angry at my lungs... open up! Then the puking starts. Apparently my throat was also malfunctioning and i got water in my lungs, and I started puking and trying to stay afloat. *sigh* I threw up 3 times and then i just didnt care anymore. I just wanted to lay there and not move. For a split second, I almost just gave up. then the fight in me kicked in
Still being stubborn, I decided to just try biking and if i cant bike then ill quit. On the bike I threw up twice...had water flowing out my nose and my throat and my lungs were aching. THis sucks I thought to myself! I kept pedalling trying to salvage my race, but there was nothing left.
I wanna see, wanna see them dancin'
Walking around on those - what do you call 'em?
Oh - feet!
Legs are required for jumping, dancing
Strolling along down a - what's that word again?
Street
I manage to run 1 lap and I see Dan and he tells me that my nana and Norma are right around the corner waiting for me. That sealed the deal. There was no way I'm not finishing this race now. Come on body, quit your bitching and just keep going. I may be slow, but it doesnt matter...just keep putting 1 foot in front of the other. It made me feel so good to see Nana and Norma and Dan cheering for me, that I wanted to make them proud. So I hobbled that last 6 miles... shuffled, trotted, walked... everything except crawled. haha! So I come up on the finish... I see Dan and tears start in my eyes... I can finish! I can't believe I can finish today! then i hobbled over the finish line and Nana, Norma, and Dan were there!! THat was such a horrible race, and I may have had my doubts, and my quitting moments, but when it came down to it, i didn't quit. I FINISHeD!!!!!!!!
It started out wrong in the swim and just kept being one big struggle just to cross the finish line. I kept having to make that choice, to quit or not to quit... I finished and i know i should be happy with just finishing that horrible race, but its not the same as it used to be. I used to find pride and happiness for sticking through it and not quitting and finishing something that seemed impossible at the time. But something has changed. I'm tired. I'm tired of having fight through so much pain. I'm not meaning to whine or make excuses or seem weak, but I'm tired of having to not quit when most people would quit. But once you learn to quit it can become a habit...and im scared that if i quit in a race, i will quit in life.
'Its the possibility that when you're dead, you might still go on hurting that bothers me."
so I stand here once again, exhausted.... but proud. Proud that I didn't give in even though no one would have blamed me if I did. Once again, I finished.
Some questions are better left without a reason
And I would rather reveal myself than my situation
Now and then I consider, my hesitation
Posted by Kate Conklin at 8:32 AM 0 comments
Saturday, July 4, 2009
You will be known by the tracks you leave behind
"Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart. Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens"
Posted by Kate Conklin at 2:18 PM 0 comments
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Things are only impossible until they are not
I woke up this morning from a really long sleep, still in amazement that i was able to finish the marathon! So many things went wrong, and yet i still managed the 26.2 miles. It all started on Wednesday night before we left for California. I don't know exactly what I did, but all of a sudden i had excruciating pain shooting down my left leg and up my spine. I couldnt even stand on my leg!/? and i couldnt walk and I was really worried. Partly because for me to feel pain it has to be bad and partly because the marathon was so close. Apparently I hurt my sciatic nerve and all night and the next day it ached and had
Hills, hills, and more hills!
stuck in my head, and 10 years later, i signed up to do this race. i imagined a beautiful course, running over the bridgest, looking at the ocean... THEY SHOULD HAVE MENTIONED THE HARDEST COURSE AS WELL. I look at my watch at mile 2, 18 minutes, that is a 9 min mile pace which is a good start. Last year i ran that pace until mile 12 before I bonked, so i vowed to fuel myself better this time... mile 3, I was slowing down and my sciatic nerve was starting to fire. WHAT AM I GOING TO DO? HOW THE HELL AM I GOING TO FINISH 26 MILES WHEN IM IN PAIN AT MILE 3? it gets worse mile 4, and mile 5 I almost quit. I could only run/shuffle for a few minutes before having to walk. It seemed grim and hopeless. I didn't come this far to quit at mile 5! I started to tear up as I realized I couldn't finish. Why must I always have to run with so much pain? Why do I insist on doing this to myself when it hurts so much/ Determintation and inner strength can only go so far when the body is not able. I made a choice. Ill be damned if i quit now... i vowed to make it up hurricane point..the 2 mile uphill climb at mile 10. If i could make it up that, i could at least say I tried. Now the problem was, how do i make it to mile 10 when I'm only at mile 5 with pain?? So, I tried different running styles, I tried swinging my hips and overexaggerating my hips and for some reason, it helped? so for the next few miles I run up hills, past cows that made me feel like I was NE again, and walked occasionally to rest my leg. Once we got by the ocean on highway 1, the wind picked up like crazy, and of course, IT WAS AGAINST US. Im sure i looked odd running like i did, but i always look odd running anyways. Mile 8 and then mile 9, and then I start running down the hill that precedes the dreaded 2 mile hill.
i met some cool people on the run. At mile 20, I ran a bit with , who had just did Ironman china the week before. He might know pain at this point, because i can only imagine me not being able to walk for a week after the IM let alone running a marathon. He said he recognized me from TV, ESPN. Another runner recognized me from the Florida championship on NBC. It made me happy that people watched the shows and actually remembered me! Maybe on my wild adventures I can help someone and perhaps find a cure by the right person reading my story.

We went to alcatraz, golden gate bridge, and bus tours. It was very hilly there too! I'm tired of hills!!!!!!! But i got to ride on the trolley up the huge alcatraz hill...haha Dan
"What is it? A different way of seeing things? An obsession with form, technique, and precision? Is it power, pure and simple? What is it that makes a champion? Maybe, it's just the absolute refusal to be anything but."
Posted by Kate Conklin at 9:35 PM 0 comments
Thursday, April 23, 2009
What should I be but just what I am
MARATHON IN A FEW DAYS!!!!!!!!!! YIKES
It has been 1 year since my last marathon and frankly...I didn't plan on racing a marathon again. I had planned on doing my Ironman last year then moving on to another, different sort of race. But here I am full circle, doing one again. They say that
"You have to forget your last marathon before you try another. Your mind can't know what's coming."
The problem is, I haven't forgotten, I can never forget that horrible additional pain. I still have nightmares about it, and dreams of so much more pain than I am already in, getting so much worse that I just burst into flames one day, or go crazy and can't handle it anymore. But here I go again... knowing how bad its going to hurt, knowing how hard I'm going to have to push myself just to be able to finish. I will admit it scares me! But, if I let pain win...even just 1 time, and not do a race in fear of the pain, then it will keep on winning and I will not accomplish anything. I will just go back to laying in bed and screaming....and that sounds so much worse!!!!!!! I have to focus on why I am doing this ...and I'm doing this not only for me, but for all EM sufferers out there... maybe in one of these crazy races, I will get attention to the right person who can find a cure. maybe I can inspire one other person to do something they are afraid of. Who knows? All I know is that I will not let the fear of pain win.
You can’t fear pain. Pain is to be expected. It is not a bad or negative thing. You almost need to embrace it, and then learn to deal with the feeling.
ok so Big Sur marathon here i come!!! I signed up for this race, partly because before I was diagnosed with EM, I looked through a marathon book and decided someday I would do the Big Sur marathon..the book said it was one of the prettiest race in the US and for some reason I wanted to do that one. I didn't know at the time, that I had put it on my pre sick "list" , and now it is my mission to do all the things on that list even with EM. Its kinda funny that I chose this race.... ITS SUPER HILLY!!!!!!!!the book should of said it may be the prettiest but its also the hilliest! Mile 11 to mile 13 or so...IS A 2 MILE HILL... the race directors say there are 4 false summits that you hit and think you are done, but youre not.. haha... its kind of like my life. :) Just when you think the pain is so bad and couldn't get any worse...IT CAN! :) oh well, i am trying to think of it as just a hill.. its not impossible, just slower. I will do the best I can and hope i can make it up that hill. People without EM just can't comprehend what this means... It hurts to walk up a hill, climb stairs, anything that burns the legs and pools all the blood in the legs, takes away O2 and blood from the brain/heart/lungs...and literally feels like i'm dying...and now i can enjoy this MARATHON ON SUPER BIG HILLS... am i crazy??????????? I must be... I must of picked this race to torture myself, or maybe scare EM into submission.. haha
they say that the pretty parts of the course will distract you from the pain of running the hills... haha... i'm sure i will be cursing at the pretty parts when i get there. :P at least i will have Dan to cheer me on at the finish. It is really lonely during the race and know there isn't anyone to see you. It is always nice during the half ironmans, to see him cheering me on mid race. It makes me less lonely, to focus on finishing instead of the pain. But the way the course is set up, I will probably not see him to the finish. so it might be 5+ hours of horrible pain all by myself. I don't have the ESPN crew talking to me, making me laugh, etc. It will just be me, and the pain. May the running gods have mercy on me. Hopefully it will be a sunny cool day, with no pouring rain and ice like last year. all i can ask of myself is to do the best I can. So ready or not, here i come. And maybe, just maybe, if i can finish this race, I can make a difference.
Henceforth, I whimper no more, postpone no more, need nothing. Strong and content, I travel the open HILLY 26.2 mile road.
"[Scientific testing] can't determine how the mind will tolerate pain in a race. Sometimes, I say, "Today I can die.'"
Posted by Kate Conklin at 8:20 AM 4 comments
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
NBC !! etc...
Hi Everyone,
I know it has been a while since posting a blog...but i needed a break and was a little lost on what to do next. I took some time to myself, and took some fantastic vacations with Dan. I just figured what I wanted to do would come to me... and it did.
First of all:
I will be in the NBC broadcast of Ironman World Championship 70.3 NBC Sunday
April 12, 2009, 4:30 - 6:00 p.m. EST
Then April 26, I will be running the Big Sur Marathon in California. I didn't think i would want to run or feel the need to run another marathon. Been there, done that! But, since I will be attempting the Ironman Florida in November 2009, I felt I should do another one. The big sur race is supposed to be one of the prettiest marathons in the US because you run on the ocean and across bridges and stuff... maybe it will be a distraction from the pain? especially since I dont have the ESPN crew following me around keeping me entertained. And Dan has never been to San Francisco before so we will go there after the race... This way Dan can see where I escaped from Alcatraz a long time ago. haha :P
SO, what have I been up to these past few months?? I have been putting together my bucket list... to be listed in a later post.
In December, Dan took me to St. Lucia for 10 days. It is part of my bucket list to go to all of the Caribbean Islands and sunny beach places :). So, I had to get my passport for the first time! :) I loved it there...I wanted to stay there! We stayed at the Sandals Resort, which I highly recommend! Also, I got certified as a Scuba Diver! There was speculation on whether or not I could even scuba dive because of EM and the blood vessels not working properly. The problem with Scuba is that you have to be able to equalize or it will cause permanent ear damage... so can someone with defective blood vessels equalize????? the answer is YES!!! I love scuba diving! I will add pictures soon. :) I felt at home in the ocean with the fish. And Dan loves scuba diving with me because I CANT TALK UNDER WATER...haha! Although, I did try and got very frustrated with stupid hand signals. It was also strange that I got very cold in the water! maybe because im usually so hot?? Anyhoo, I loved it there! One of the best times in my life.
Then in January we went to the Bahamas for a short 4 night trip where we stayed at the Riu. Bahamas was more like Florida, but I think i didnt like it as much because it was too short! :P
We went Scuba diving there too but the water was way colder, probably because it was January! And there was no Southern Comfort there which was highly upsetting...haha so we drank Blue Ocean instead and that was quite nice! and it turns your tongue blue.. so that is 2 islands down, lots more to go!
to be cont....
Posted by Kate Conklin at 7:35 PM 0 comments
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Sports Illustrated!!
Check me out online and on newstands Dec. 1,
http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/scorecard/faces/2008/12/01/
"Live life fully while you're here. Experience everything. Take care of yourself and your friends. Have fun, be crazy, be weird. Go out and screw up! You're going to anyway, so you might as well enjoy the process. Take the opportunity to learn from your mistakes: find the cause of your problem and eliminate it. Don't try to be perfect; just be an excellent example of being human."
Posted by Kate Conklin at 3:50 PM 6 comments



